A Letter To My Pup

Songs and poems exist as "letters to my college self," "letters to a younger me," etc.

Last night while trying to tame my demon pup, I found myself mentally composing A Letter To My Puppy.

Yesterday was Chloe's first full day in the crate while I was at work. My lovely friend Bethany is awesome, generous, and so patient enough to offer to let the little one out two days a week, and she was a  complete lifesaver yesterday... even after a small key mishap.

Regardless of her new lunchtime friend, Chloe was pretty mad at me for having her crated all day, and she really let me have it last night. Her naughty behavior is what caused me to compose said letter.

Dear Chloe,

First and foremost, my achilles tendons, my calves, my knees, my wrists, my fingers, my hands, my neck, and my ear are not chew toys. P.S., it hurts!

Maybe we can come to some sort of agreement. Multiple treats for sleeping in on weekends? I'll bake you a doggy cake. Whatcha think?

Sleeping really only happens after 10 p.m.

The leash is good for you. Embrace it.

You are so cute when you find my mirror every day. "You'reeee so vaaaiinnn.."

How on earth do you hear my alarm go off every morning? I promise, I'm coming to get you. Your heartbreaking yelping doesn't help me move faster.

I don't really like cleaning up poopies and puddles from the carpet. That's supposed to happen outside. Take one for the team, and don't decide to go after I take you outside for 7 minutes of sniffing and looking at the door.

"Mom, I just don't feel like pooping in 30 degree weather."

I'll make a deal with you. Never grow up, and I'll give you all the treats you want. Always.

...that never growing up thing does not include your "mental" maturity. I will eventually need sleep and a clean carpet.

No matter how many rocks, wood chips, and other outdoor paraphernalia you hide in your mouth, I will always make you spit it out. This isn't a slam against your taste, I just can't let you to choke on it and die.

How big should we let you get before I buy you one of these?

baseball season is coming...

I love you, but I don't really want you in the shower with me.

Refrigerators are not the best place to hang out. As you've learned, that door shuts pretty quickly, and you're black. It's hard to see you. Waah!

You crack me up when you day after day think your ferret chew toy from dogsupplies.com is a real live animal. The mental video I have of you spotting the toy, slowly stalking up to it, and pouncing will forever warm my heart.

That rhinestone collar is ballin', but the vet was right. You should probably hold out for the real thing. ;)

Let's snuggle forever. No more biting, and I won't go to work anymore. Deal?

Love, Momma. 

xoxo

P.S. Who knows how to cure puppy biting? The yelling "ouch" to startle her, the no eye contact, and the little pop on the nose really just isn't cutting it...